You’re eating out in public: Do you pray or not?

By Bobby Ross Jr.
In the three seconds since the waitress delivered my plate, I’ve drenched my brisket sandwich with barbecue sauce and taken a bite the size of Bill Gates’ bank account.
Just as I start to chew this mammoth hunk of beef, the guy beside me asks politely, “Shall we bless the food?”
“Um, sure,” I reply as I swallow hard and bow my head.
Now, I need somebody to perform the Heimlich maneuver.
Seriously, I respect people who pray before every meal, be it their morning cereal at home or the chow mein at the Chinese buffet. I’m just not one of them — at least not yet.
After a few embarrassing episodes like the one described above, I hired the cheapest psychoanalyst I could find — myself — to examine why I don’t pray before the kids rip open Happy Meals in a crowded McDonald’s.
After all, we take a moment and thank God before we eat at home. Why not when we’re out?
My standard answer: Jesus taught against praying “like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men.”
“I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full,” Jesus said in Matthew 6. “But when you pray, go into your room, close your door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.”
A minister friend of mine grew up in a small Texas town where praying in public was considered arrogant.
“If we prayed before we ate in restaurants, we prayed in the car,” he told me.
But we live in a different place and time. “In Oklahoma City, it seems everyone thinks it is fine to pray in public,” my friend said.
I asked several people from various denominations if they pray in restaurants. I offered blanket anonymity to protect the guilty. Most said they do.
However, a quasi-comedian I know wondered about those who gorge on chips, salsa and queso, then pray when the enchiladas arrive. “What are the effects of eating unblessed appetizers?” he asked.
As I contemplated this column, I found myself twisting my head while eating out, trying to see if I could catch anybody praying.
Sure enough, I did.
A family of three bowed over Mazzio’s pizza. Three young women did the same over Garfield’s salads.
In each case, these folks prayed quietly and did not draw attention. Neither the waiters nor the people at nearby tables seemed to notice. By all appearances, they prayed out of genuine gratitude.
I didn’t see Pharisees. I saw people whose faith encouraged me.
Maybe I need to rethink my position. At the least, I need to slow down and thank God for every meal, whether in my heart or out loud.
This column was originally published July 28, 2001, during my time as religion editor at The Oklahoman.
• • •
My outlook has changed a bit in the eight years since I wrote that column, but before I share my perspective, I’d love to see your input and comments.
When you’re eating out, do you pray aloud? Why or why not?
— Bobby
Our family always does. I’ve never given a lot of thought to who is watching. We pray quietly and quickly, but we always pray. It’s just what we’ve always done.
I’ll admit that my family only prays if there’s a man eating out with us or if we’re eating out for a special occasion. And, while inconspicuous about it, we’re usually interrupted by an unknowing waitress bringing a condiment or refilling a drink. Although it makes for an awkward situation, I always like that pre-meal prayer — it brings the focus back on God, even just for a few minutes.
I am afraid to ANNOUNCE I pray in public, but I do. Like the individuals in your column we try to pray quietly not to distract others.
Confession: I eat chips and salsa first. I am inconsistent in my practice. I always struggle as to how to handle prayer with a friend who may, or may not pray in public.
Funny you bring this up. Prof Claude Mariottini has a post on this today that has a lot of insight on who/what we are really supposed to be blessing when we pray at meal time. Worth a read – http://www.claudemariottini.com/blog/2009/11/praying-for-food-we-eat.html
A post by Tim Archer that I hadn’t seen until my post. Interesting: http://www.timothyarcher.com/kitchen/?p=2375
Certainly not out loud with head bowed. It’s pretentious, and as a former waiter, insanely awkward for the person serving you to have to stand andwait for your prayer to finish.
I think a lot of us still have bad prayer theology, and we pray before meals cause that’s what we’ve always done and been told to do.
The reason we do it isn’t to “bless” the food, but to recognize that what we have comes from god. I have a feeling, because of personal situations, that public prayers efore meals at restaurants have a lot more to do with appearing pious than anything else. What’s really bad as a former waiter was walking up on awkward public prayers, then being treated like rubbish by the supposed Christians
preach the gospel daily, use words (or awkward public prayers) when necessary. Being a Christian when being served food has less to do with making ire you pray an more to do with treating the help with respect and love.
Well, I was going to tell you that I wrote three posts on “saying grace” this week, but some guy named rossblog beat me to it.
Grace and peace,
Tim Archer
P.S.–We usually pray out loud in public, especially here in Abilene, but at times go the individual/silent route.
Great discussion here, Bobby! I’ve also really enjoyed Tim Archer’s thoughts on the subject and the subsequent comments over the last few days. It’s interesting that, in Romans 14, those who indulged in certain foods and those who abstained from them both “gave thanks to God” (14:6), whether verbalized or just realized in a heart of gratitude. In the spirit of this chapter about Christian liberty, each should follow his or her own conscience regarding giving thanks before a meal in public without questioning the motives of those who do or doubting the spirituality of those who don’t. By the way, I’ve always loved that Rockwell print; for some reason, when I was young, it made me imagine my grandmother and my father (as a litte boy)traveling and eating in a diner at a bus station. Gotta love Rockwell!
Thanks for all the comments. Excellent insight.
Now that I work for The Christian Chronicle, I usually wait for whoever I’m eating with to either take a bite or ask about praying before I eat. There is sometimes an awkward silence.
I am more comfortable praying in public, but when it’s just our family, we typically don’t do so in public. Not sure why. Maybe I see it as more of a special occasion when we’re out with friends or fellow Christians. I certainly don’t mind it. And have been in awe on more than one occasion at the quality of prayer said by a friend over our meal.
I remember eating out with some friends (with kids) and we prayed at the restaurant before eating. When we finished the four year old kid blurted out “why did we pray? We never pray at restaurants!” I guess consistency is the key. Don’t just try and impress the minister because it might backfire.
My practice has varied over the years as I’ve considered the attention-drawing and awkwardness angles, but as I try to imitate Jesus more closely, I can’t deny that he prayed publicly, out loud over his food. So now I’m doing the same.
However, for me, the question is not just “what would Jesus do?” but “what would Jesus brew?” It may be common to see this in Abilene or Oklahoma, but in Silicon Valley public prayer is quite a novelty. If people did notice my prayer, I’d hope the Holy Spirit would stir something in their hearts even as he is stirring mine.
As for the awkward waiter moment, I’m not picky about praying before or after appetizers. (Good grief, aren’t we done with rules, yet? Do a search for Pharisee, and see what Jesus thought about that.) My practices is to pray as soon as the food is delivered and the waiter is walking away. Problem solved.
Thanks for the insight, Susan! Good points.
– Bobby
Years ago I started a para-church business ministry, and in that role went to Atlanta to meet with Colonel Nimrod “Mac” McNair, founder and chairman of Executive Leadership Foundation. I’d met Mac at an event in Chicago, where I lived, that had been sponsored by Moody Bible Institute, and I was impressed by his thoughtful application of Christianity to life and charmed by his easy manner and “southern gentleman” demeanor. I wanted to sit at the feet of this man and learn all I could, and he agreed to spend some time with me if I could make my way down to Georgia, which I did.
When I arrived at his office it was close to lunch time, and he asked me if I liked barbecue. I asked him if New York was big, and we were off to a place called Wolf’s, both of us dressed in coats and ties, like businessmen did back in those days.
It was a counter service kind of place, with sandwiches dripping in sauce and french fries well salted all served in baskets, which you carried to a picnic table of small (seats four) or large (seats six) size. As I took my seat I waited for my host to decide about praying, since it was his town and his treat, and since he was the rabbi. Mac sat across from me, took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves, tucked his tie into his shirt, and raised both his hands. Then he looked at me and in a genuine tone with a voice that could be heard, I’m sure, by everyone else in the seating area, asked, “Are you thankful?”
I smiled and said, “Yes I am!” and he said, “Me too! Let’s eat.” And so we did.
That was, in my opinion, one of the finest public meal prayers I’ve ever heard, and from time to time I’ve actually had the courage and conviction to use it.
By the way, I am often thankful not only before and after a meal, but during it, too. It occurred to me once, when I was thanking my wife for a delightful meal she had prepared, that I thanked her at the beginning, while I was eating, and when I was done. I figured if I didn’t have to limit my thanks to her to some prescribed time, that I didn’t have to limit my thanks to God, either. That’s all very freeing somehow, and much more relational than religious.
Lewis, thank you very much for your comments and insights! Really appreciate it. Hope you had a joyous Christmas and best wishes for a happy New Year!
– Bobby